Monte Carlo: A Trip To Tedium

It's probably not a good sign that while watching Monte Carlo, I was more interested in the supporting character Meg (Leighton Meester) than the main protagonist Grace (Selina Gomez). That's saying a lot considering the movie introduces three very uninteresting characters and then asks us to follow them to Europe on a journey of self-discovery. After all, that's what a week long trip to France is all about. Right?

The film opens in Texas where we meet high school senior Grace who is working as waitress to save money for a magical trip to Paris after graduation. School has been tough as evidenced by a group of mean classmates Grace is forced to wait on. But why do they all hate her? We don't know. Later, Grace tells her mom (Andie MacDowell) that high school was four years of misery, and the only thing that got her through it was her dream of Paris. Again, what the hell happened in high school? We still don't know. Grace must have some other problems then. Maybe she comes from a bad family? Nope. Her mom remarried, but everyone is very loving and supportive, and Grace even gets along with her stepdad, Robert (Brett Cullen). Did Grace's step-sister Meg cause all the problems in her life? Not really. Sure the two don't get along, but it's not like they spit vitriol at each other. Since Grace has no clearly defined problems or challenges, we're simply not that interested in her or her trip.

What about Grace's best friend Emma (Katie Cassidy)? She is several years older and supposedly a bit of a wild girl, though we're not sure why. Is it because she's blonde? All we know is she's a small town girl who has never left Texas. She's also dating Owen (Cory Monteith), who is so worried about her leaving for a week that he proposes to her. Sounds like a keeper to me. He ends up stalking her to Paris, which only ups the creepy factor, but hey, he's the guy from Glee, so it's cool.

Meg is the only character who has any real problems. Her mom died after a long illness, and her father remarried, giving her a new mom and sister. This upheaval caused Meg to withdrawal from life, so if anyone needs to take a trip for a bit of self-discovery it's her. It's not the most original set-up, but it's better than Grace's empty shell of a character. Consider me uninterested and bored. All in the first 15 minutes! I don't hope and fear for any of these characters. No matter, because Grace, Meg, and Emma are off to Paris, and I'm off to the land of suspension of disbelief.

The girls soon learn that a tour bus is not the best way to immerse themselves in French culture. Also, Meg is more level-headed than carefree Emma, so there's tension brewing. It all boils over when their tour group ditches them at the Eiffel Tower. Grace is near tears. What a disaster Paris turned out to be. Seriously? You've missed your tour bus, not run over a puppy. There must be a way to salvage this trip. Leave the tour, buy Eurorail passes and have some fun, right? Or Grace could assume the identity of tabloid-fodder, British heiress Cordelia Winthrop Scott (Selina Gomez) and head to Monte Carlo. Yeah, that sounds like the better choice. It makes no sense why Grace would decide to do this (unless she too realizes how boring and underdeveloped she is), but Emma and Meg are up for it. After all, Europe is way more fun when you're rich. Plus, now we get to see Selina Gomez play three characters while doing a really bad British accent. Brilliant!

This is the major plot device of the film, and it fails because it requires a monumental suspension of disbelief. Cordelia is constantly hounded by the paparrazi, but no one finds it odd that all of a sudden she is running around with two random American girls? Not to mention the paparrazi magically disappear once Grace becomes Cordelia. Also, no one seems to notice Grace constantly losing her British accent or the fact that she is way too nice as Cordelia whereas the real Cordelia is a super bitch. Only one character in the entire film is smart enough to uncover the truth. It's all too easy and absurd, and as a result there is no real tension surrounding their deception. It's not until the end of the film that we see any conflict between Grace and the real Cordelia, and even this falls flat because it's all so contrived. Of course, there's romance sprinkled throughout, but when Grace tells Emma she's so happy because her newfound crush Theo (Pierre Boulanger) actually sees her for who she really is, I had to laugh, because I don't even know who the hell Grace is, other than bland and boring.

So does Grace change? Does she learn anything and grow as an individual during her one-week trip? Not really. She ends up volunteering at a school in Romania, but she was so nice to begin with that this isn't a major shift in character. Maybe if she was a spoiled brat at the beginning of the film this would work, but she isn't, so it doesn't. The only thing she learns is that impersonating people is bad. Emma learns people can be shallow, so she stays small-town. Which brings me back to Meg. At least Meg is finally able to overcome the loss of her mother and move on with her life. She even hooks up with Aussie hottie, Riley (Luke Bracey), who shows her that if you want to learn about yourself, you need to ditch the bus tours and British heiresses, grab your backpack and venture into the world unfettered and free. But who cares?

Let's face it, this movie only exists to announce that Selina Gomez is all grown up and leaving The Magic Kingdom. Did I mention she also has a new album out?