Don’t hire actors

I may be throwing all of my fellow struggling actors/creative types under the bus here,…but I have some advice for employers in the Los Angeles area: don't hire struggling actors/creative types.

Now, I know what you're thinking, it's impossible to not hire actors in L.A. They're fucking everywhere, outnumbering even the robust cockroach population. But think about this, if you didn't hire actors to, I don't know, be waiters or bartenders or customer service reps or assistant managers at shitty, overhyped "luxury" movie theaters, a lot of actors' funds would dry up, they would move back to Connecticut, shamed, and then there would be less people, less traffic, less smog and yeah, you guessed it, a cleaner, longer sustaining Los Angeles and EARTH. So don't hire actors, you're saving the world and making my drive to work that much easier, provided there isn't a flaming school bus on the 101 (this actually happened a few days ago).

Oh, and you might not want to hire creative types because they're creative. Sometimes deviously creative. As evidenced below, in a correspondence to a dissatisfied commercial rep… that I may or may not have written:

You see what I did there? Look again. Vertically. Left side.

Yeah, don't hire actors, because they'll insult your business partners and then ditch you cold when that laundry detergent spot goes National. Either that or they'll slink back east after a few heartless months of "work." No matter what, you, the employer, gets fucked. So do us all a favor and don't hire actors.

But what the fuck would I know, I'm just an actor.