By Chloe Bohne · April 7, 2010
Because the intern’s labor is free, it is abused at almost every corner of the office. Although, the intern may be ‘owned’ by one person more than the others, he or she is basically everyone’s bitch. And what that essentially means is that the intern will be asked to do a number of different tasks from a number of different people who are all too busy to answer any of his or her questions. So what is a lowly intern to do in this situation? Well, he or she would be wise to pretend like they know whatever the hell their current ‘owner’ is telling them and/or do the tedious task that totally contradicts the previous tedious task, all while maintaining one’s composure in situations that are specifically designed to drive you insane.
After being completely rebuffed by Missy at the meet and greet, I foolishly assumed that I was going to be left alone by this woman. Ha! The very first day she had decided to speak to me, she looked me dead in the eye with her hand on the back of my chair–a rotating one so that she could maneuver me about if she had wanted to, and of course she did– and distinctly told me to, “Never touch the phone!” She hadn’t said anything else as she swung my chair in towards the desk and I hit my knee on the nearby cabinet. Despite the bump on my leg, I was happy about this because the phone had so many damn buttons on it anyway, it was sort of intimidating. Yeah, yeah, laugh all you want, but I’d like to see you figure that thing out without any assistance.
One week later, my “real” boss, Doug, was not at his desk while Missy was hollering like a madwoman through his intercom about how he had better not be smoking a cigarette. I heard it, but was afraid to say anything because of what she told me about the phone one week prior and because I knew Doug was outside smoking his life away. Just as I am debating to answer her or not, I hear her coming–she is one of those heavy footed women that always wears boots, and does not walk gracefully–and she turns the corner and says, “Where’s Doug?” Before I have a chance to answer she says, “Wait. You heard me and you didn’t say anything?!” And before I even have a moment to answer that she continues, “Get [Rep X] on the phone for me now! And transfer the call to my office.” Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! Who the fuck is this person, where do I even begin to look for this phone number, and how the hell do I plug this call to her desk? Nevertheless, I’ll be damned if I tell this monster that I don’t know what the hell she is talking about, or remind her that she specifically told me not to touch the phone; instead, I just nodded my head and smiled.
She walks away and I scramble in an attempt to figure this out. Just as I am about to have a nervous breakdown because I don’t where to begin, Doug shows up and sees the frantic look on my face. In distress I tell him, “Missy wants [Rep X] on the phone and for me to plug it in to her desk, and I have no idea how the hell to do it!” Maybe it was a flashback to his interning horrors, or maybe he didn’t want to see me so upset, but Doug came through. He showed me where to find the list of reps, how to get them through to Missy’s office, and gave me the credit for doing it. Personally, I think this kind gesture was due in part to him feeling guilty for having this put on me so he could have a cigarette, or he figured that I was totally ill-equipped to handle this task, but whatever the reason, I was so glad I kept my cool in front of the tyrant.
It was at that point that I realized, Doug and I were not enemies; we were fighting against a common foe and the only way I was going to survive Missy’s demands was if we were on the same team. But, more importantly I realized that as long as I pretended like I knew what the hell I was doing in the face of the tyrant, I could and would find a way to appease her beginning with a nod and a smile.
