Copy Machine Woes

Now, I have used copy machines at school before, you know when you are too broke to buy the textbook, or too lazy to sit in the library and read the book on-reserve?  Well, that pretty much sums up my copy machine expertise before my internship.  So, naturally when I first came into contact with this futuristic object: a printer, scanner, copy, and fax machine all rolled into one at the office, I was not too sure what the hell I was looking at.  But, mechanical issues were the least of my problems with the machine, my real dilemma with this apparatus were the people I had to deal with while using it. 

My troubles with the mechanics of the copy machine range from not remembering the code to operate the thing, from scanning each page individually before I saw (yes, I am that nosey little intern who looks over the shoulder of the person who knows what they are doing and silently thinks to myself: Oh, that’s how you do it!) that you could scan more than one page at a time!  I know that I may sound ignorant right now as I admit to you, dear reader that I had struggled with the copy machine, but I am pretty mechanically inclined.  I can usually figure these things out after playing with the buttons for a bit.  But, it is not so easy to do when you have an audience.  And I am not just talking about that paranoia that one has when they think someone is talking about them, that I could shrug off and get on with my day.  It is when one of your fellow office mate’s yells out: looks like you’re having a hard time over there, whispers something to the girl sitting next to him, who then proceeds to look over at you and they both laugh instead of offering you a hand.  Sure, I could be pissed about it, but what good would that do?  I mean, who can blame them, I must have looked like an idiot over there.

But, even that is not so bad.  In other instances, I have been confronted with the stressed- out freelancer: the people who are only in the office for a day or a week for some job or another.  Now this is just a theory, but I am convinced that they (the wide variety of freelancers who I am knowingly lumping into one group despite their occupational diversity) take it upon themselves as a sort of a prerequisite for the job to be complete assholes to anyone who is near the copy machine when they need to print, scan, copy, or fax.  And God forbid you fumble and take more than two seconds to use it!  Oh man, I have gotten my ass chewed out more than once by a freelancer that I never saw for more than the few moments we were are the machine together.  Furthermore, it seemed like more often than not, any time I had a problem figuring out the machine, a freelancer, or as I have come to call them- the copy machine police- decide to appear out of nowhere in order to make me look like a fumbling idiot yet again.  The police always seem to be good at that, you know making you feel guilty or nervous, when you haven’t even done anything wrong?  The copy machine police are no different. 

So who could be worse the police, you ask?  Yes, you guessed it, the tyrant.  Missy has a talent for blaming you for doing something wrong just for being in her general vicinity.  One morning, I walked up to the copy machine and I see that it is off.  Confidently, I press the on button-I had figured that out by this time-and I began loading my paper on the scanning tray.  As I do so, the tyrant walks up behind me and says, “Excuse me!” and shoves me out of the way.  I stand aside a little confused and realize that she is printing out a script or some lengthy document.  Instead of telling her rude ass that- a) I just turned the damn thing on and your pages couldn’t have possibly started printing if I hadn’t done so, so you really should be thanking me in stead of shoving me and b) that this machine is capable of multi-tasking so my scanning could not interrupt your print job, you stupid bitch– I behaved as a good little intern always should: I kept my mouth shut and waited for my turn. 

Now please take my advice to heart, my fellow interns: all that surrounds the copy machine is misery.  Get to know your copy machine ASAFP so you can do whatever the hell it is that you have to do and run before you’re ridiculed, badgered by the police, or harassed by a tyrant!