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Betty White’s Facebook Analysis

By Chloe Bohne · May 12, 2010

Instead of going out and partying on Saturday night, I decided to stay in and catch up on some sleep before I was taken hostage by my mother all day Sunday. As I was guiding for what to watch, since no one actually flips the channel anymore, I came across Betty Whites opening dialogue on SNL.

I didnt care much for the skits to be honest with you. I think it is funnier when Granpa uses words inappropriately because he doesnt know that muffin also refers to a vagina or if Aunt Shirley makes eyes at one of my brothers friends and makes him totally uncomfortable because she’s really a drunken pervert under all that polyester. And it is not so much because they are comedians or anything, but its because their keepin it fuckin real. Like Granpa and Aunty Shirley, Ms. White also kept it real, with her analysis of Facebook.

Facebook is a huge waste of time! I deleted mine a little over a month ago because I realized that I was wasting too much time on that damn thing. I kept it for as long as I did because I wanted to keep in touch with, as White had mentioned, old friends. What a joke! As soon as one of those old friends find you, then all the other people that you used to hang out with back in preschool start requesting your friendship. And then, youre the asshole if you don’t add that jerk who knocked over science project just because he thought it was funny. I dont care how long it’s been, Im still pissed! Not really, but I havent talked to him in fifteen years, and now he wants me to be his friend? Fuck reconnecting with old friends! My real friends have my phone number.

Betty also mentioned that when she was a kid, everyone was single. That was it, no one had a status, because everyone was running around single and enjoying their lives. Please do not tell me this is part of the evolutionary process: a bunch of idiots feeling the need to post their relationship status on their page to know if it’s true love or not. I mean, people really get pissed when their significant other does not update his/her statusinfo immediately. When did it become important for everyone to announce to the world when they are in a relationship or not? And why the hell is there an Its complicated option? Fuckin ludicrous. Talk about airing your dirty laundry! Sooner or later there is gonna be a site where you can literally post a picture of what color your shit was, just so the whole world will know. (Patent pending).

So, kudos to you Betty White, for pointing out the absurdities of Facebook to a generation whose political movements are taking such drastic actions in making this world a better place by clicking a button on their keyboard to Vote For Betty White to Be the Next SNL Host. What the hell is wrong with everybody? Go take a vacation and take some photos of your own instead of lurking others or hell, go get poked!