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People Who Subscribe to the Fast Food Diet

By Chloe Bohne · June 9, 2010

 

 
I'm not sure if I mentioned this or not before, but one thing I have noticed about the entertainment industry, is that many of the older gentlemen are obsessed with their weight.  Maybe it's just part of that whole LA, appearance-conscious thing, but I gotta say, it's still a little fruity.  I like guys that drink a full-bodied beer and eat a god damned hamburger every once in a while.  Anyway, I seriously think most of the men in this office are totally infatuated with their appearance.  I'm not gonna mention any names, but this can probably be attributed to the fact that most of these older gentlemen are recently divorced and are loving the fact that they no longer need to feel guilty about all the young women that they are currently boning.  But, all this is beside the point.
 
Of course the women in the industry also obsess about their weight as well, but what I have noticed is that there are two kinds of women: those that are totally for or against starving themselves.  The ones that do starve themselves are usually older women who never eat, ever.  And for some reason they tend to dress as if they are in their twenties with their botoxed faces and flappy breasts–not a good look.  I hate it when women don't age gracefully; when looking at their desperate attempts to hold onto their youth becomes so painfully obvious.  I just want to shake the shit out of them and yell, "Wake the fuck up!  It's over. You're gonna be alright!"
 
Having ranted about my observations, let's get to the topic at hand: the women who don't starve themselves, but are always "dieting." And guess who gets to run these fun errands to pick up these "diet" foods?  Yep, Chloe.
 
One day, Missy was doing what she normally does: sitting in her office, watching some new spot or another, yelling to god knows who about god knows what.  Today, she comes out of her office and puts her hand on my shoulder and says, "I just saw that Taco Bell has a new Diet menu, will you run and grab a few things? I'm trying to watch my weight."
 
Yes, you read that correctly, Taco Bell has a "diet" menu and Missy is buying into it.  Just a tip for those of you that fall for that crap: Fast Food is never Diet Food.  Ever.  But, what can I do?  I get up and fetch her her guiltless lunch..in Doug's tank of a car….that doesn't have air conditioning.  I hate my life.
 
However, this wasn't the only occasion that one of the older and unfit, yet diet conscious women has asked for these absurd diet foods.  A few weeks back, I also had to run one of these errand's for another producer..
 
Kathy, the producer, calls me into her office one day.  I usually love the tasks she gives because a) I actually get to do some real shit for her and b) she is always in such a good mood and appreciative of my help.  But, this day, she asks me to run an errand.  Ugh. 
 
"Hey, doll, I'm sorry to do this, but I am starving and I have no time to run out and grab lunch.  And since I have been dieting all week, I don't want to just grab something horrible from next door.  Is there anyway that you can stop by a KFC and get me some of that grilled chicken?"
 
Really?  A bucket of grilled chicken from KFC will help you stay on your diet?  Whatever. I just work here.  
 
I really don't know what's worse: the Douchebags eating tofu dogs and drinking light beer, the desperate old lady wearing her 23-year-old daughter's clothes, or the women who lie to themselves about dieting?  Either way, you all look stupid to me.  MGD 64 ought to be outlawed, and there ought to be some alarm that goes off when 50-year-old women walk into the Juniors section of the department store, and a hand ought to  come out of that "healthier" bucket of chicken and just slap you in the face for being such fuckin' idiot.   
 
I think you're all nuts.