By Ched Rickman · April 22, 2010
I am extremely lucky. It was friends of friends who brought me into my first agency, the one I’m still with. I give thanks for that fact every day. Every time I get an audition, I say a little prayer thanking whoever’s up there for the intervention, or fate, or just plain asshole luck that got me where I am. As much as I hate to admit it, this town and business is not just about tenacity and determination and the “x-factor.” It’s not a definite pre-requisite, but it certainly helps toknow someone, as well.
Oh hey, yeah, we do know each other. Eh……..I don’t know if they’re taking on new clients right now,….y’know, the economy being what it is….uh……(……….)……yeah I’ll ask……why don’t you get me your………oh, you’ve got your headshot and resume right here……….yeah I’ll call them right now…….
Call me hypocritical, call me an asshole, call me whatever the fuck you want, because I don’t give a shit. I am mounting my soapbox to deliver one for the ages here, so at the very least call me honest. Listen, buddy, I do not want to help you get represented. I don’t get a fucking finder’s fee from the agency if I bring in some new meat, I benefit in no way with another client going out on the same auditions as me and utilizing the same resources I have that are already stretched thin. And I don’t care if we’re friends, I’m not going to stump on your behalf just because you know me.
Because here’s the deal: if I’m going to go to bat for someone, it means I have to call my agency, a small time, four person operation being run out of a house, and bother them to schedule an audition. This doesn’t sound like much. But calling my agents and essentially begging them to do a favor for me (which they can tell from the tone of my voice is exactly that) makes me look like a pain in the ass. It makes me look like I think I know something they don’t, dragging this undiscovered gem into their office and basically saying to them “hire this guy!” And, if your audition sucks or you’re “not what we’re looking for,” it makes my taste and instincts look like shit. It makes it less likely they’ll be willing to see another one of my colleagues who I actually think is worth their time. Your worthless efforts have just derailed the potential careers of other actors I think deserve to be repped. My agents waste their time, you’re still without representation, and I look like a plain old dipshit when it’s all said and done. So take your fucking headshot back, because I don’t want it.
And y’know what? Maybe we’re pretty good friends, from back home, college, whatever. Just because I like hanging out with you and we laugh in casual situations together, that doesn’t mean you’re a good actor. Not good enough to go through all the bullshit I listed off in the paragraph above. But if I tell you so, I’m the one who comes off looking like a judgmental, holier-than-thou prick, even though you’re the bastard who just turned our friendship into a business networking opportunity. So I bite my lip and take your shit, throw it in my trunk and never call my agency and lie to you and say they’re actually dropping clients because of the recession and I could go any day now. Inevitably, you see the headshot while you’re helping me move a year later and I look like the asshole again! It’s lose/fucking/lose, so just don’t do it.
In my years in Hollywood, I have gone to bat for one buddy of mine, a stand up from back home. And guess what? I asked him if he had representation and if he could give me a reel or something to show the agency. And guess what? He got repped. Yeah, this town cares about who you know. But unless you really think you’re destined for great things (and admit it, some of you moved out here because of the weather and because of “what the hell? I’m attractive!”), don’t harass and bother your friends for favors regarding their agency. It makes you look desperate. It makes you flat out be annoying, and it makes us all feel uncomfortable. And think about it, if you find a friend who’s less heartless than me, and they agree to drag you into the agency for a sit down or an audition, those agents might wonder what the fuck is wrong with you that you’re not represented and getting dragged in by friends as favors. You won’t get repped asking your way in, you need to be asked in, like my stand up buddy.
So what to do? Get involved in something. As expensive and seemingly meaningless as they are, take a couple seminars with casting agents or representatives. Take improv classes or drama classes, try open mic stand up; just get out into the town and be seen. If you are actually good enough, someone will take notice and offer you some help along the way. Note that I said “help,” not “representation.” As I’ve remarked often, this biz is a constant upward climb. There’s no such thing as an overnight success anymore. You gotta be good enough, and then you gotta know the right people, and I’m not them. And if no one offers you some help after a few years, move back to Ohio. It’s one less favor we need to worry about.
But what the fuck would I know, I’m just an actor.
