Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star

Bucky Larson is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. It’s terrible. And I’m generally in favor of dumb comedies with lots of dick and fart jokes. I like Adam Sandler movies when they’re good. Grandma’s Boy was excellent, and I enjoyed Little Nicky. Even Mr. Deeds had an “Andy Griffith, keepin’ it real” kind of charm. But Bucky Larson? Utter crap.

This film starts out showing the innocent Bucky Larson (Nick Swardson) getting fired for no apparent reason. If this opening scene is supposed to foster sympathy for the main character, it fails. I would have rather watched a film about Bucky’s cruel and irrational boss Clint (Curtis Armstrong), who was much more amusing and who sadly was only in the first five minutes of the film. That night, Bucky opts to hang out with his friends instead of his normal night of playing Yahtzee with his syrupy-sweet parents. His friends discover that Bucky has never masturbated and so they put in a porn and give him pointers on how to do it. Then they notice that the stars of the porn they are watching are Bucky’s parents. Bucky, of course, sees this is destiny. He was meant to be fired so that he could go off and be a porn star, just like his folks. Bucky somehow manages to make it to Hollywood, get an apartment, make friends with a director, and attend a fancy industry party with all the big wigs of the porn industry—within a day and a half of arriving. It is discovered that Bucky has a tiny penis, a giant bush, and orgasms the instant a woman touches her boobs. He is laughed out of the industry party, but a washed-up porn director decides that he just might have “it” and so he casts Bucky in his very own porn and, of course, it’s a sensation. Then there’s a little moment where the romantic sub-plot conflicts with Bucky’s porn career, but everything works out, ever so conveniently, in the end.

If this doesn’t sound awful enough, there’s more. Bucky has a ridiculous set of protruding teeth (hence the name, I suppose), a terribly distracting haircut, and an over the top mid-west accent. These features do nothing to aid the film. In fact, I would argue that they hamper Swardson’s natural talents. The dude is usually hilarious. On top of this egregious hair and makeup malfunction, the supporting cast of “mean-to-be-funny-but-really-aren’t” characters is simply tragic. Bucky’s roommate Gary (Kevin Nealon), and his nemesis Dick Shadow (Stephen Dorff) are bland and their one liners fall flat.

There were only three good things in this film. The opening scene with Clint was one of them. The second was when Bucky, thinking he is trying out for a porn, starts violently masturbating for a Mac n’ Cheese commercial. And the third was Tomas (Gene Pompa), the over-sharing stylist for the porns Bucky is staring in. Aside from these moments, there is nothing worthwhile (be sure to look for them, as they will be your life rafts in this ocean of schlock).

So how does one avoid creating a movie like this? Well, as far as the writing goes, the plot is way too thin in this movie, and the characters don’t make up for it. I would recommend really ensuring that character development is detailed and rich—no matter how stupid you think your movie is supposed to be. And do try and create some conflict in a story, otherwise it’s just a string of convenient happenstances.

My final grade for this film? F-. Skip it. If you feel that you must watch something funny as well as porn-themed, make it a double feature of Zack and Miri Make a Porno and Orgazmo. Those films got it right.