I Melt With You: Tedious, Shallow, Contrived

As I near 40, I find myself ruminating on the choices I’ve made thus far, following the worn paths that lead me to this very moment while also wondering what the future holds. For this reason, I was curious about I Melt With You, a film about four college friends, all 44, who gather for a week in Big Sur. I was hoping for an insightful film reflecting on today’s middle-aged man; instead, what I got was an unbelievable story filled with shallow, underdeveloped characters.

Every film needs characters for whom we hope and fear, characters with an arc who struggle to overcome obstacles and either succeed or fail. I Melt With Youlacked all of this. We are introduced to four miserable men who feel they have achieved nothing in life and instead of learning from their mistakes or dealing with their problems, decide to commit suicide because of a pact they made 25 years ago. Yes, it’s ridiculous, but I’m getting ahead of myself. First, let’s examine our four characters. 



Richard (Thomas Jane) is a struggling writer with one novel to his name, who now teaches English. Ron (Jeremy Piven) is a family man who works in the financial industry and is about to be investigated for stealing money from clients. Jonathan (Rob Lowe) is a divorcee/doctor who misses his son and has turned his practice into a pharmaceutical dispensary for well-paying clients. Tim is, well, I’m not really sure what Tim does, but he apparently killed his sister and his boyfriend in a car crash five years ago and is now severely depressed.

Out of all of these characters the only one I could somewhat empathize with was Tim. Maybe his three friends will help him overcome this tragedy? No, they will not because they’re too busy wallowing in self-pity, and their yearly gatherings are merely an excuse to consume copious amounts of drugs and alcohol in a sad attempt to bury their problems. This is the first hour of the movie, and it gets old real quick as we’re treated to various male bonding rituals like reckless off-roading, rolling down sand dunes, and skinny dipping in the frigid ocean waves. At one point they even invite a bunch of college kids to party with them only to confront younger versions of themselves, which of course induces superficial soul-searching. It’s all very contrived.

If the first half of the movie was tedious, the second half is completely unbelievable. The three remaining friends discover Tim has been carrying around the “suicide” pact they made in college. Basically, it was to serve as a reminder of how glorious those times were and how each of them was going to conquer the world. I guess at 44, if you haven’t achieved all the goals you set out to, it’s pretty much time to call it a life. Don’t these guys know people are living into their 80’s and beyond these days?

With the little information we’re provided about these characters, I’m basically left to infer that the past 25 years must have been so completely hellish that death is the only option. I just don’t believe it. Sure, you made poor choices, but man-up and take some responsibility. Richard could start writing again. Jonathan could stop being a drug dealer and start being a doctor/father. Ronald could turn himself in and make amends. But no, Richard and Jonathan don’t even question that suicide might be a bit extreme, and Ron has a few minutes of doubt before deciding to join them. Very little struggle or conflict, just a lot of moping and whining. I cared so little about these characters that I couldn’t wait for them to off themselves, and all the artsy camera angles and close-ups of drug-addled angst can’t hide these fundamental script problems.

The film continues to spiral into the absurd when local cop, Officer Boyde (Carla Gugino), gets suspicious about their missing friend they never reported dead. During the climax, Richard, the last survivor, paints their college pact on the windows, the camera zooming in on one word: Fail. How appropriate. There is even a shot of the space shuttle Challenger exploding in reference to their 25 year-old pact. Not only is this heavy-handed, but also an insult to the astronauts who gave their lives dying for something they believed in as opposed to these pathetic men. Throw in a silly car chase followed by a cliff dive, and there you have it: Four dead men we’re not going to miss.