Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance – Dreadful

I was extremely excited going to the theaters this weekend because this week’s assignment was Ghost Rider 2! Now, this was not fake enthusiasm. I am actually a huge Nicholas Cage fan—even when he gets all crazy in his films… in fact, especially when he gets all crazy in his films. So I was still looking forward to watching this one despite the fact that I saw several one-star reviews of it before I left for the theater. I imagined that these reviews were simply from people who didn’t understand the Cage, didn’t feel the love for the Cage, didn’t know how to really put themselves in the right mindset so that they too could enjoy the esoteric cornucopia of bliss that is…THE CAGE.

You might shake your head in baffled amazement at me and say, “But this is the man who made you sit through the two hours of hell that was Season of the Witch!” And while your argument is valid, and could easily be augmented to include 2/3 of his filmography, I must contest it and say that his hair was amazing in that film (as it frequently is… hello Bangkok Dangerous!). And I will cite The Rock and The Sorcerer’s Apprentice at you endlessly until you relent out of sheer disinterest. This is the level of my devotion.

Sadly, Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance did not live up to my lofty hopes of excellence. I knew it wasn’t going to be an Oscar-worthy film, but I was hoping for some kick ass action and some corny yet badass dialog of hilariousness. And even though this film delivered both of those things, it also tried to cram in a million other things as well, and this left the film in a confusion. Too much time was spent on needless stuff, while other moments were rushed. This over-stuffing of the story diluted the important parts into sidebar highlights that we had to wait for. Also, things just felt wonky.

You know how there’s that famous saying about the most important thing in comedy being the timing? Well, I’m pretty sure that’s the most important thing in action movies as well—and perhaps just all movies in general. Obviously, film is a moving art form. It’s got to flow. If it is visually clunky or unwieldy, then it’s instantly noticeable. It’s like a visual poem. If the meter is off or too slow or too quick, it sucks. This “film-meter” is a sort of tandem creation that starts with the writer and is then collaboratively achieved with the actors, director(s), and editor(s). All the pieces have to fall right.

In the past I have attributed clunky or slow action of 3D films to the fact that I saw most of them 2D. Well, I was wrong. This film’s action was halting and strange, and I saw it in 3D this time. Some of it was clearly the fault of the script (as in, a long and boring expositional scene that nobody cares about during a night drive) while others were primarily visual during a sequence that should have been seat-of-your-pants-badass (as in the only mildly exciting demon-possessed rock quarry tractor attack scene). And then there were other moments that seemed like they were at the right pace but also like I missed something somewhere. I assume that this stems from a rushed intro into a scene that is then appropriately paced, even though its opening was too fast.

But no matter what happened, valuable lessons can be learned from Ghost Rider 2:

·       Understand that a movie has to flow right and read your script straight through from start to finish so that you can see if the timing feels right.

·       If there is a scene that you imagine might be tricky timing-wise for an actor, director, or editor, then see if there are any rewrites you can apply in order to help those down the line avoid any possible pitfalls.

·       If the amount of story in your script strains at the protagonist’s arc so that things seem to be splitting at the seams or getting convoluted, then cut, cut, cut. You can always save some excellent sequence that doesn’t fit for some other movie (or for a sequel). The rule is that anything that doesn’t make your film a stronger film AS A WHOLE does not belong in your film. Be ruthless in this.

·       And this one doesn’t apply so much to writers, but if you are going to use 3D, try and do as much research as you can to make it an enjoyable experience. If you only know how to make a 2D film look good, then please don’t stretch. Do us all a favor and stay in your comfort zone.

But I’ve gotten off on a tangent. The bottom line is that Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance was not enjoyable. Not even as a silly comedic joke. Its moments of actiony coolness were too far apart from each other, and so they lost their momentum. The same can be said for its moments of empathetic character development and its moments of exposition. This created a halting effect that barred the audience from getting into what little storyline there was to be had—or even from getting into the cheesiness zone where the bad action could be mocked.

Cage was great, because he always is. In fact, there were a few scenes where I really felt the awesomeness of the cheese of Cage shining through, and then there were other great scenes where the empathy of his character shone through as well. But there weren’t enough to float this sucker. If I were you, I’d wait to watch this one until it came out on cable or until somebody posts the YouTube clip mash-up.