Bones: Season 7 Premiere

Bones. It’s a decent procedural. What’s not to love about gloopy bodies and particulates? Forensic investigation is an interesting topic. Unfortunately, I can’t really say the same for Bone’s season 7 premiere episode. It felt bland. Like a Christmas special for a show that jumped the shark a long time ago. The investigation side of things was boring and the personal side was aggravating.

This is a disappointing development because the finale of last season was: surprise! Booth (David Boreanaz) and Bones (Emily Deschanel) FINALLY slept together (one-night-stand-style) after six seasons of angst, and bigger surprise! Bones is pregnant! and yay, Booth is happy about it!

And then came the months of waiting—the season break.

And now we’re back. Booth and Bones are together and happy and Bones looks like she’s about to pop. Things seem to be the same between them except for the fact that they are now sleeping together. But somehow, even though it’s been months, they haven’t really given the idea of sharing a living space any thought. They’ve been happily splitting time between apartments, and it is just coming up now that this might get problematic. Of course, Bones has decided that they should move into her place because, well, she’s smarter and therefore correct.

This is a thing that happens on this show. Several times now, a grand statement has been made about how perfectly rational Bones is—why, she’s so rational she exceeds the limits of thought only to come back around to the stupid side of things. Did you see Paycheck? It’s kinda like that. And not only Bones does this. The main three female characters are all guilty. I might go so far as to call it a common theme on this show. And usually it is utilized to showcase what idiots men can be. It’s pretty heartbreaking to watch. There are all these perfect men running around this show. Hodgins (T.J. Thyne), Booth…even the lab techs are scrumptious. They’re willing to pay for everything, take bullets for you, and adore your swollen ankles—all at the same time. And the women just sit there and trash these mythical creatures. It’s kind of horrendous.

I’m not going to say that the show isn’t attempting to make strides, because it is. At the end of this episode, Bones realizes that forcing the issue by being a douche about your brain is a shitty thing to do. Progress people, progess. But do I wish the show runner would take a look at some other procedurals (maybe the highly acclaimed ones), and check out their interpersonal dynamics.

Better yet, just ditch the chicks and make Booth and Hodgins a gay action braniac crime-fighting couple. That would be epic, and then the man-hating problem would solve itself.

Another thing I took issue with in this episode was the cramming in of pregnancy clichés. Yes, chicks eat and cry more when they’re pregnant. That doesn’t mean you have to jam those moments into the story with a crowbar. And even though there’s all this man-hating going on, and the men deserve a little payback, I have to admit that I thought it was kind of mean when Booth jokingly took photos of Bones crying when she was emotional in order to get proof and commemorate the occasion. Is that a chick thing? Am I overly sensitive? It’s mean, right? Who knows, I’m just sick of the whole Everybody Loves Raymond “battle of the sexes” template—or at least I’m sick of it when it’s done sub-par.

Despite all the things I hated about this premiere, it had an overall feeling that all was well. Perhaps this episode was an attempt to set up a “we were happy once” baseline before the real conflict of the season starts. And I suppose that is what I am hoping for, even if that means that more emotional angst is moments away from crashing down upon all the characters once again. It’s not the best option, but anything’s better than continuing with the set-up of this premiere episode’s dynamic, which felt more like a mid-season slump episode as opposed to a real kicker. So let’s all cross our fingers and hope for a start to good drama. Or you could just avoid it and watch Psych or Grimm or CSI. Those premieres looked much more promising.