Breaking In: Season 2 Premiere

It is a rare occasion when I watch a TV show that is seriously bad. I have seen shows that were bland, shows that were decently executed but just weren’t to my taste, and shows that I couldn’t stand for reasons pertaining to personal values (i.e., the recurrent man-hating theme of Bones). But all of these shows shared a level of talent. They seemed to say, “Yes, we are the shows of large and important television networks.” Sadly, this is not the case with Fox’s new show Breaking In.

The Season 2 premiere of this series is a wretched and embarrassing affair. I had to grimace through most of it just to dissipate the discomfort it engendered. There would be a moment every now and then—a character would do something funny, or a punch line would actually work. But these moments were so few and far between that they seemed more accidental than anything else. They were just enough to suggest that some of the people hired for this show may have a smidge of talent buried deep within them.

Regarding the writing in this episode, there were lame scenarios stacked on top of one another, but that was all they were. There are some shows that can pull off a dorky succession of lame scenarios because the writing is sharp and the timing of the delivery imbues the thing with a tone that makes it all work (i.e., Pushing Daisies, How I Met Your Mother). But in this episode, after we learn that the new girl is really an undercover boss and shouldn’t be pranked, we get this gem-like line: “She’s going to see my talent firsthand! I rigged her damn hippity-hop!” And then, of course, her orthopedic fitness-ball-chair explodes while she’s sitting at her desk. Hilarity ensues…right? Right? Guys? ::Crickets::

There’s another uninspired scene where the team has to pump their coworker Creepy Carol (Jennifer Irwin) for information. They get her drunk on a cartoonishly large island drink and then start pestering her with questions. We have all seen this before, probably hundreds of times. However, there is a moment where Creepy Carol expresses her gratitude for finally being accepted as one of the guys. She then goes on to admire each of them for a specific positive trait: “I mean, you’re so pretty, and you’re so cool, and you’re so black.” This was actually amusing, but it was one of the few times in the episode. Now, I haven’t read the original draft of the script, but that sounds like a writer’s line. So kudos to whoever came up with that one.

There is an amazing quality to the badness of Breaking In. I have personally watched two of the leads that appear in this episode kill comedically in other shows. Megan Mullally (who plays boss lady Veronica in this show) was the funniest part of Will and Grace. And Bret Harrison (who plays hacker-genius Cameron Price in this show) was excellent as the exasperated straight man in Reaper. But here Mullally’s timing is off and random, and while Harrison’s go-to straight man reactions are still as on-the-money as they were in Reaper, they fall flat for some reason.

There’s some missing element that is screwing with the chemistry on this show. Maybe the writing is stale and forced, and this in turn makes the acting stale and forced. Or perhaps the writing is par, but made less so through this off-chemistry of the cast. Or maybe it’s a director/editor thing. Whatever the reason, I found that I was surprised to be watching an episode from *the second* season. How on earth did they make it through the first? My curiosity is so piqued by this question that I have now put the first season of this show on my “to-watch” list. I have to solve the mystery of why a show this terrible would be re-signed for seconds.

Just as an aside, after the show credits were over the Happy Madison Productions title card appeared on the screen. The production company could serve as a possible explanation for the show’s quality. I mean, I love me some Grandma’s Boy and some Little Nicky (how can Clint Howard in drag ever be a bad thing?), but Happy Madison is also the company that brought us the abominations known as Jack and Jill and Bucky Larson. So count yourself as warned.

A friend informed me that some Hollywood deals have time minimum clauses in their contracts. This could be an explanation for extending this badness into a second season. I really wanted to like this show. I was already a fan of half the cast, and I also tend to enjoy silly comedy and crime capers. Do not be fooled by the well-edited TV spots; this show is to be avoided at all costs—for your own sake.