Californication: Season 5 Finale

Hank Moody had my heart. I watched the entirety of season two pressing play after play while lying in bed eating potato chips. I loved Californication.

Halfway through the season five finale that aired Sunday, I picked up my phone and tweeted, “#Californication sucks.” It must mean something that at least fifteen people “liked” my moment in agreement. The show is done.

And it’s unfortunate, because Hank Moody (David Duchovny) is such a unique character. And his love for his family used to really hit us hard. But now, the show is just a joke. Marcy (Pamela Adlon) is an annoying munchkin, not an important best friend to the now pitiful Karen (Natasha McElhone). When did she become so lackluster, so passive? Snore. Poor Charlie Runkle (Evan Handler), who used to be a sweet, likeable contrast to his pal Hank, has also become pathetic. Isn’t he smarter than falling for a status-climbing whore? Apparently all the men in Hollywood think with their member and not with their mind. And Stew (Stephen Tobolowsky), well, he’s just ridiculous. And you can’t blame the actors either…it’s got to be the people behind the product.

As expected, the season finale was jam-packed with crazy. How can we make things more outrageous and more sexy? Guns! Divorce! And…"blowies?" They even need to create their own vocabulary. Hank and Charlie are still on the rocks. Becca (Madeleine Martin), a sadly ignored character this season, and Tyler (Scott Michael Foster) are back on. And to our surprise, providing an actually grounded, interesting moment in the episode, are planning more for their relationship than we expected. Karen and her insane hubby Richard (Jason Beghe) decide to (spoiler alert, although you probably saw it coming), end things. Thank God. He was getting boring. And then, there’s the big movie. Will it happen or will the cast eat each other alive? There’s where the guns come in…oh no.

But how did such a great show become so bad? When did everyone just give up? Probably around season three.

The show used to be plot driven. Hank had a goal: to be a great writer and an even better father, and to win back Karen. We were gunning for him. Karen had an agenda of her own, constantly trying to build a happy life for herself and Becca and to overcome her love for Hank. Conflict! Marcy and Charlie’s relationship, although always exaggerated, was somewhat real. Their love was relatable and their struggle to stay together, serious. This foursome held the show together. They were colorful, passionate and broken…and we loved watching them blindly stumble through L.A. life. All well intentioned, but all extremely mislead. It was juicy.

Now the show just wants the juice without the squeeze. Showtime recognized its audience: that all girls wanted to be with Hank Moody and all guys want to be Hank Moody, but they exploited that fragile desire. Viewers don’t just want sex. If that’s what they want, well, we all know where they go. Viewers want drama+comedy+glamour+mess+destruction+harmony+love+sin…they want it all. Californication got lazy. They took the easy way out. Enough partially nude chicks, rappers with pot and people with problems will equal success. But I think my one tweet has proven it all: the show is over. When you lose a loyal fan, a show’s time has come. We love you Hank, but you’ve got to go.

And (Spoiler Alert!) don’t wake up from that overdose. It’s for the best.