True Blood: Season 5 Finale

I think it’s appropriate that we all take a moment, and mourn the loss of our dear series True Blood. Its time has come.

When you watch a season finale with your brows constantly furrowed and your jaw dropped in awe of its hilarity as opposed to its excitement, you know it’s over. And it’s no surprise, either. Most plot and shock based TV shows can’t keep up their initial momentum. There are only so many outlandish and eccentric punches a storyline can pack and in this case, supernatural characters it can manage.

I couldn’t help but think, especially during the Jason-Stackhouse-as-James-Bond scene in the Authority building, “What happened to Bon Temps?” I missed the days when life was simple; when all you had to worry about was getting your blood sucked.

But now, there’s plenty more disgusting ways to die and outrageous creatures to out run. I’ll try to keep spoiler alerts at minimum because, at this point, that’s all the finale has going for it.

Sookie (Anna Paquin) and Jason (Ryan Kwanten) have decided to infiltrate the Authority with the help of Eric (Alexander Skarsgård) and Nora (Lucy Griffiths). Eric encourages them to ride in the back of his car, so they can appear as prisoners to be fed upon. Sam (Sam Trammell) who volunteered to be fed to Bill (Stephen Moyer) in the last episode, is presented before him. But just as Bill goes to kill him, Sam turns into a fly. He returns to Luna (Janina Gavankar), who still waits with Emma (Chloe Noelle) in captivity. He tells her he has a plan for escape.

Salome (Valentina Cervi) comes to Bill in question about Kibwe (Peter Mensah) and Bill confesses to killing him. He also, in a clear move to manipulate Salome, tells her she is the chosen one and then sleeps with her.

Alcide (Joe Manganiello) is now determined to overthrow JD (Louis Herthum) once and for all after learning he force-fed V to the pack. Jackson (Robert Patrick) encourages Alcide to take V because it’s his only chance at defeating his enemy.

Oh, and Maurella’s (Kristina Anapau) “light breaks” and she has her baby. I definitely don’t want to present any more details on that event. It’s way too ridiculous to give away.

When reading the details about the finale, I was appalled to see it was written by Alan Ball himself. Too many times did my watching party of friends make fun of awfully written one-liners for this to be written by Mr. Ball…or, perhaps not. As much as my snickering friends scoffed at the episode, they also squealed in disgust and excitement. Vamps exploding into a shower of bloody guts never seems to lose its appeal. And nudity—that never gets old either.

So, sure, if that’s what you’re looking for, True Blood delivers. But from the beginning the series grabbed viewers because it balanced this shock value with interesting relationships. Season one was honestly just a love story. Don’t laugh. Girl meets vamp, girl falls for vamp, there’s conflict because…he’s a vamp. And we die to see what happens between them.

Now, the series possess no true relationships we care about. Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) and Jesus (Kevin Alejandro) ended last season. Terry (Todd Lowe) and Arlene’s (Carrie Preston) marriage was made way too comical by a totally unnecessary smoke monster. Hoyt’s (Jim Parrack) love for Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) became completely pitiful and the Eric-Sookie-Bill triangle that once held the show together has disintegrated. Who are we really supposed to fight for? Luna and Sam? I guess…

There is a new lesbian couple in town that looks promising; I won’t say whom.

Without character relationships to keep it grounded, the series has flown off the tracks. Perhaps next season it’ll sacrifice the supernatural for its southern roots. Ha! Though I laugh at that thought. Because the apocalypse is coming…and it’s coming in the form of (Spoiler Alert!) Billith.