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By Conor Walsh · April 10, 2014
Bad films are common. It’s not hard to make a terrible movie, but to make a terrible movie that is so painfully bad that it’s actually very good is no easy task. By good I mean enjoyable of course. These rare cinematic gems are almost always enjoyable in a completely different way to what the filmmakers intended, but there are some exceptions to that. There are also films that would have been good films if not for the addition of, say, a certain haircut or ridiculously cheesy dialogue. One thing all of these films have in common, however, is a cult status in cinema.
(Others not on list: Mortal Kombat, Willie Dynamite, The Mack)
10. The Warriors (1979)
Set in an alternate dystopian World, The Warriors takes us to a New York City riddled with Gangs with creative names and matching costumes. The leader of the most powerful Gang, the Gramercy Riffs, calls every gang in the city to a meeting in which he proposes they all join forces to fight the Cops as a common enemy. However, Luther, slimy leader of The Rogues, shoots the leader dead during the meeting and blames it on The Warriors, a small gang from Coney Island. Immediately, the leader of The Warriors is killed by the Gramercy Riffs, but the other Warriors face a race against time in their mission to get back to Coney Island, as a radio DJ broadcasts to all of the city’s gangs that a price is on The Warriors’ heads.
The reason this is tenth is because out of all of these movies, The Warriors is the closest to a good film. Where it becomes so bad is with the costumes and the dialogue and a lot of the acting. So it’s a good film let down by a few bad apples. Well, not let down just made hilarious as well as pretty fucking cool. The concept itself is so brilliant that Rockstar Games made an adaptation for the Playstation in 2005, a game that reached the cult status that the film reached and remains one of my favorites even today. The Warriors truly is a classic.
9. Taken (2008)
When I first went to see this film those eight years ago, it was because nothing else was on. When I heard the lines ‘that’s like telling water not to be wet’ come out of Liam Neeson’s mouth when prompted not to worry by his daughter, I thought this film was destined to be a disaster. Oh how I was wrong.
Bryan Mills (Liam Neeson) is a retired CIA agent stuck doing odd jobs in security. His teenage daughter, Kim, played hilariously by Maggie Grace, goes on a trip around Europe with the intention of following U2 on their tour of the world. However, in Paris they are kidnapped by Sex Traffickers, calling daddy Neeson into action.
The moment I felt that I was in fact watching a film with extreme promise was, of course, during the phone call between Neeson and the kidnapper. Suddenly the water line near the beginning was borderline genius, and the writer just kept on delivering. Who doesn’t want to see old boy Liam Neeson kicking the shit out of some of the scummiest people on Earth. It’s genius! There really is no other word for it. It reached cult status almost immediately. It’s that good, people. Watch it now!
8. Waterworld (1995)
Set in a future in which the world is now entirely underwater, a lone mariner (Kevin Costner) with a mutation drifts across the ocean finding what food he can and avoiding a group of pirate outlaws known as ‘The Smokers’. On his way he gets stuck with a woman and a little girl and ends up helping them in their search for dry land. The problem is, the little girl has a tattoo on her back thought to be a map that is key to finding dry land, and ‘The Smokers’ are more than keen to get their hands on it.
I actually really like this film. I can see why it’s bad and why people responded so negatively to it, but the laughs at the filmmakers’ expense are very few. R.D. Call’s character, from what he says to his general appearance, is the subject of most of these laughs. I’m guessing Dennis Hopper’s performance as Deacon, the leader of ‘The Smokers’, probably got a few laughs out of people; but because I first saw this film as a kid the corny shit just goes right over my head.
7. First Blood (1982)
It’s always said that the first Rambo movie is actually very good. Well, it’s not. It’s bad. So bad it’s good. I mean just listen to what it’s about: A Vietnam Veteran is forced to use his superior skills when he is arrested and abused by small town lawmen. It’s the classic Rorschach complex of ‘I’m not stuck in here with you, you’re stuck in here with me.’ Don’t get me wrong it’s extremely enjoyable. In almost exactly the same way that Taken (2008) is enjoyable. So watch it if you want to see Stallone terrorizing some cops.
The script is actually really well written; one of those scripts with a clear structure that moves the story on with perfection. Of course, the dialogue is cheesy but that’s all part of the Stallone, 80s action thing it has going on. People might be wrong when they mistake First Blood for a good film instead of an enjoyable one, but they’re right about one thing. It is the best of the Rambo films by far.
6. Showgirls (1995)
Tough nut drifter, Nomi (Elizabeth Berkley), hitches a ride to Las Vegas to chase her dream of becoming a dancer. For a time she gets stuck stripping at the Cheetah and her integrity keeps her from taking shortcuts to the top. However, as she climbs her way up the showgirl hierarchy, the power and the attention get to her head.
From the Writer/Director team behind Basic Instinct, Showgirls was meant to live up to the hype behind the collaborators and their work. It was meant to be shocking and provocative, but instead it was completely over the top and seriously funny. Elizabeth Berkley’s performance (yes, the woman from Saved By The Bell) is so bad you don’t know whether to cringe and turn it off or laugh and watch it over and over. Take the sex scene in the pool for instance. What in the world is she doing? Did Paul Verhoeven think we’d all like that? She looks like a fish. Genius!
5. Battlefield Earth (2000)
Well. Where to start? Set in the year 3000, Battlefield earth has seriously got to be one of the worst films I’ve ever seen. It’s great. It takes us one thousand years into the future where Psychlops, these ridiculous looking dreadlock aliens, have taken over pretty much the entire universe, and human beings are an endangered species enslaved by these big booted, six fingered aliens. God I can’t help but chuckle every time I picture their costumes and makeup. It’s hysterical.
This movie had me in stitches. From John Travolta’s ridiculous accent, to the woeful acting and, quite frankly, amateur editing. I mean seriously, who decided to use that curtain transition between each scene? And what’s with the irrelevant slow-motion sequences? It’s genius. So bad, it’s good.
4. The Lost Boys (1987)
I love this movie. It’s so unbelievably of its time that the majority of viewers who didn’t live through the 80s will run and take cover. However, if you brave the music and the style The Lost Boys has some great moments, intentional and unintentional. Two brothers, played by Jason Patric and Corey Haim (like I said, painfully of its time), move to a new town with their mother. In his struggle to fit in with the locals, Jason Patric falls in with a group of bikers with killer mullets…and oh yeh, they’re vampires as well.
Another one on the list that could actually be seen as a good film, period, if not for the 80s malarkey, The Lost Boys is a classic vampire flick. It doesn’t take itself too seriously at all, which is where it really benefits. For example, the script is good because it delivers some really good laughs when Corey Haim and Corey Feldman enter the works together. If it hadn’t delivered some lighthearted moments, it’s possible it could’ve just ended up being a bad film. But then again, all you’ve got to do is take one look at the hair on display and you’re in stitches.
3. Highlander (1986)
So basically, Connor (Christopher Lambert), a warrior of the Macleod Clan of Scotland in the 1500s, is seemingly killed in battle but wakes from his death, unaffected. When the rest of his clan find out, he is banished as they view his inability to die as the devil’s work. He starts a new life for himself and finds peace until the arrival of Ramirez (Sean Connery) brings Connor to the revelation that he is immortal. Ramirez tells him that he too is immortal, and that there are many others. But that’s not all. Each of the immortals must fight one another for an ultimate prize; and there can be only one!
Flash forward to 1980s New York City and Connor Macleod, now living under the name Russell Nash, is an antiques dealer. He tries to lead a normal life, but his archenemy Victor Kruger (Clancy Brown) is eager to be the last one standing.
Ludicrous, painfully of it’s time, and absolutely hilarious; this film epitomizes the spirit of this list. There are lines so cringe-worthy you have no option but to laugh, outfits so ridiculous they can’t help but contribute to the cult status of the film, and the most outlandish plot about a tournament for immortals seemingly set up by nobody at all. As if all that wasn’t enough, to top all it off we’ve got a few Queen songs on the soundtrack. Brilliant.
It’s shit. You have to see it.
2. Con Air (1997)
Shouting man, Nicholas Cage, plays an ex-US Ranger turned convict. Newly released and ready to get back to his family, his plans suddenly change when the other convicts on the prisoner transport plane take control of the aircraft. Epic.
One cannot make a list about awful movies being enjoyable and not include Con Air. To quote Simon Pegg in How To Lose Friend’s and Alienate People, ‘It’s got everything hasn’t it?’ You can’t argue with that. It’s got a buffed up Nicholas Cage with a southern accent and a mullet; it’s got John Malkovich for the proper acting; Dave Chappelle for a few laughs; John Cusack because what was a fim without him at this time? Steve Buscemi for his Buscemi-ness, and action all round. Lots and lots of action.
1. Flash Gordon (1980)
There can’t be a soul in the World, nay, the Universe who will contest my decision to put this absolute gem in the top spot. American football player, Flash Gordon (Sam J. Jones), travels to the planet Mongo…I repeat. An American footballer called Flash Gordon travels to the planet Mongo, where he finds himself fighting against the evil reign of terror of Emperor Ming (Max von Sydow).
If Flash Gordon’s wavy white blonde locks, Ming’s general appearance, and Brian Blessed’s winged army do not make you laugh your head off, I don’t know what will. The entire aesthetic of this film is unbelievably tacky and beyond over the top. Based on the comic strip and the 1936 serials, Flash Gordon isn’t only hysterically funny, but it contains one of then best soundtracks any bad film could wish for, composed by Queen. It’s out of this world.