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By Britton Perelman · July 22, 2022
At first glance, Fleabag is a hilarious, raunchy look at a young woman’s life as she tries to make her way in London. But we all know it’s much, much more than that. The incredible writing not only launched a career of a talented actress and screenwriter but it gave audiences a myriad of Fleabag quotes to enjoy.
Fleabag, written by the star of the show herself, Phoebe Waller-Bridge, smashed its way into our lives back in 2016. The first season was a bracing, brutally honest story about a woman dealing with the aftermath of tragedy, and audiences everywhere wanted more.
A few years later, we gleefully devoured another six episodes that were, as Fleabag proclaims with her first look at the camera of the season, a love story. The painfully beautiful second season earned Phoebe Waller-Bridge a handful of Emmys and a blank check in Hollywood.
Though we may not be getting a third season anytime soon (or ever), the 12 episodes we do have to include a plethora of incredible lines.
The poetic phrases that ended up in Harry’s notebook; the late-night confessions after a can of G&T; the offhanded comments that seem harmless on the surface but will tear open your heart upon another look.
Here are 30 of the best quotes from Fleabag.
“That’s the very reason why they put rubbers on the end of pencils … because people make mistakes.”
“People are all we’ve got. So grab the night by its nipples and go flirt with someone.”
“Why believe in something awful when you can believe in something wonderful?”
— The Priest
“The only person I’d run through an airport for is you.”
“Being proper and sweet and nice and pleasing is a fucking nightmare. It’s exhausting.”
“Don’t make me an optimist. You will ruin my life.”
“I was taught if we’re born with love, then life is about choosing the right place to put it. People talk about that a lot, it feeling right. When it feels right, it’s easy. But I’m not sure that’s true. It takes strength to know what’s right. And love isn’t something that weak people do. Being a romantic takes a hell of a lot of hope. I think what they mean is… when you find somebody that you love, it feels like hope.”
— The Priest
“I think you know how to love better than any of us. That’s why you find it all so painful.”
“I took half an hour trying to look nice and I ended up looking amazing.”
“I’m not a bad guy. I just have a bad personality.”
“I want someone to tell me what to wear every morning. I want someone to tell me what to eat. What to like, what to hate, what to rage about, what to listen to, what band to like, what to buy tickets for, what to joke about, what not to joke about. I want someone to tell me what to believe in, who to vote for, and who to love, and how to tell them. I just think I want someone to tell me how to live my life, Father, because so far I think I’ve been getting it wrong.”
“Don’t make me hate you. Loving you is painful enough.”
“I have a horrible feeling that I’m a greedy, perverted, selfish, apathetic, cynical, depraved, morally bankrupt woman who can’t even call herself a feminist.”
“I don’t think you have to be alone to be lonely.”
“Chic means boring. Don’t tell the French.”
“Women are born with paint built in. It’s our physical destiny. Period pain. Sore boobs. Childbirth. We carry it within ourselves throughout our lives. Men don’t. They have to seek it out.”
“Maybe happiness isn’t what you believe, but who you believe.”
“If you want to change your life, change your life. It isn’t going to happen in here.”
“You already know what you’re going to do. Everybody does.”
— The Counsellor
“Hair is everything.”
Fleabag: I don’t know what to do with it.
Boo: With what?
Fleabag: With all the love I have for her… I don’t know where to put it now.
Boo: I’ll take it. No, I’m serious. It sounds lovely. I’ll have it.
“I don’t believe you can pray your problems away. I think you have to face who you are and suffer the consequences. It’s the only road to happiness.”
“Either everyone feels like this just a little bit and they’re not talking about it, or I am completely fucking alone. Which isn’t fucking funny.”
“I sometimes worry that I wouldn’t be such a feminist if I had bigger tits.”
“It is not a party until someone flirts with you.”
“Celibacy is a lot less complicated than romantic relationships.”
— The Priest
“Here’s to peace. And those who get in the way of it.”
— The Priest
“There is nothing more exciting than a room full of people.”
“So it turns out it’s quite hard to come up with something original to say about love, but I’ve had a go. Love is awful. It’s painful. Frightening. It makes you doubt yourself, judge yourself, distance yourself from the other people in your life. Makes you selfish, makes you creepy, makes you obsessed with your hair. Makes you cruel. Makes you say and do things you never thought you would do. It’s all any of us want and it’s hell when we get there. So it’s no wonder it’s something we don’t want to do on our own.”
— The Priest
Fleabag: You know, the worst thing is that I fucking love you. I love you.
The Priest: [about to respond]
Fleabag: No, no don’t. No, let’s just leave that out there just for a second on its own. I love you.
The Priest: It’ll pass.
Hopefully, these Fleabag quotes inspired you to write the kind of hilarious, clever, and edgy dialogue that made Phoebe Waller-Bridge a screenwriting icon. If you want to study her work, download the available Fleabag scripts down below.
And if you’ve got a hankering for more movie quotes, we got you covered with these 50 screenwriting quotes that’ll jumpstart your creativity.