I Get It, You’re Different

Going on what was mentioned in my last blog, aside from my rant about my degree, I am assigned more and more research tasks these days.  Doug’s new mission: to cut out the middle man.  He wants to cut out the agency from the commercial process, I think.  That‘s beside the point, whatever the hell he is having me do this for, I am forced to watch several hours of independent webisodes and tell him what I like and don’t like about them. 

Doug gave me a roster of the teams that he felt had made the cut and I was to go from there.  Man, is there a lot of crap out there!

Okay, I get it, people like to be “different,” but let’s have little dignity.  There was one particular group (independent webisoders) whose main focus was this fairy-tale story thing.  Oh, it was awful!  Bad graphics, horrible dialogue, and nonsense characters; I mean weird for the sake of weird.  Don’t get me wrong, I usually appreciate the weird and oddly creative, but this was just painful.  What this particular group had reminded me of was a mix of Cirque Du Soleil and the cartoon that Butch on Pulp Fiction was watching when Christopher Walken came in to tell him the story of his father’s watch.   

The other few groups that made Doug’s cut–which is not saying much based on the shit I had to watch–were focused on music videos.  One  that group that stuck out, was a bunch of white boys who were attempting to do rap videos.  Fail!  Is anyone else totally sick of the white-boy-trying-to-be-black to show how cultured he is because he spent hundreds or even thousands of mommy and daddy’s money on hip hop albums growing up, who feels he has the right to make a rap video?  Because I am.  Beastie Boys was the exception to the rule!  Stop it already.  Wearing jump suits, heavy gold chains, and hi-top sneakers on rooftops, ought to be a privilege, not a right.  And don’t even get me started to the lyrics! 

Last, but certainly not least, who could leave out the gratuitous, big breasted babe?  I mean, that’s not overdone or anything.  But, wait, she has a purpose now.  Big-tittied Marie (that’s what I’m calling them from now on) has a purpose and even a brain these days; this one in particular, cares about the planet.  In her tight tank top, she refuses the advances of any and all males who do not share in her green mentality.  First of all, this green crap is part of another sick trend that ruins a good thing.  My dad raised me to conserve energy, to recycle, reduce and reuse, and he took me to the Earth Day festival every year at Balboa Park, all before this shit was so God-damn cool!  I mean, it’s bad enough that we exploit the planet, but now we have to exploit the planet saving initiative too?  But, I digress.  This video is saying that ‘green’ is part of evolution.  Only the strong survive, and in this case, Big-tittied Marie only wants to breed with some D-Bag in a Prius who pollutes the planet with Smug and farts in wine glasses.  Nevertheless, like 3 out of 5 of the music videos–if I should even call them that–inserted their version of Marie, but with a cause. 

Come on people!  Skits based on shit that can only be figured out by the friends who took that weird acid trip with you, the entitled, white rapper, and Tits Marie subscribing to the new trend, is not that fuckin’ interesting!  I get it, you’re different.  But, from where I’m sitting, you all look the same to me.