Lakers Sweep, Chloe Scores
By Chloe Bohne · May 14, 2010
There are two kinds of women in the office: the ones that work too hard and the ones that don’t. So, after coming to this conclusion, I honed in on my Ninja Detective skills, and tried to decipher why this was so. My conclusion: some women use sports to exert their masculinity in the workplace, and men just eat that shit up!
There are a few ladies in the office who use this very unique tactic to their advantage. They know all the goings-on with their favorite team or sport, and the men come into their offices to talk to them about it. It may not seem like that big of a deal, but these ladies are treated with the utmost respect from the dudes, most importantly, Lenny, and therefore, seem much happier in their positions. These women are always working, but they never look over-stressed or give off a hint of a bad mood, kinda like those girls in the Milk commercials before their shiny hair blinds one another. I imagine that they go home happy, to a clean mansion, a loving husband, one perfect child and a really hot pool guy. The rest of the women are pissed, ALL the time. I imagine that these women go home in a bad mood and wonder why their husbands hate them, their children fear them, and their gardeners are so old. But, this method is no different than any other successful attempt at gender equality in the past, it’s merely a clever game of manipulation. There are those who can manipulate men through sports, aka ‘my heroes,’ and those unfortunate women who are basically taking the scenic route–to nowhere. If you can’t beat ’em ladies, join ’em, or at the very least make them think you have.
I like sports. I don’t LOVE them, but I like them; especially basketball. In all honesty, my interest wavers from season to season. But, after watching my heroes at work, and learning that Lenny is a huge Lakers fan, I decided not to deny myself the invaluable information that comes in the form of Lakers playoffs. But, because I am not a kiss ass, and do not appear to be a nosey person, I refuse to dish out this important information in an illegitimate manner. Instead, I waited patiently for an ideal opportunity.
Everyone was pretty busy on Tuesday morning, except for Lenny. Well, it doesn’t matter what day of the week it is, Lenny never seems to be busy. Anyway, as I am trying to transcribe a conference call, Lenny walks into his office. (Side note: Lenny is like a child; when he starts saying shit from his office with the door wide open, he expects someone, anyone to hear him and respond. He is never mean or anything, he is just one of those older, middle-aged dudes who are desperately trying to hold onto their youth, albeit a fabulous sense of humor, so you can’t help but love him for it anyway; he just likes attention.) But, I digress. When I turn around, he is standing in his office, with a confused look on his face, playing with his computer and yapping about, “I missed the game last night, I can’t find my phone anywhere, and my internet is not working. Who won the game last night?”
Having my cannon loaded and ready to fire, I announce: “Lakers swept the series last night: 111-96. Gettin a week off, and playing Phoenix next Monday.”
Lenny stops fumbling around and flashes me a look of sheer delight. “Alright, now thats what I like to hear! A fellow Lakers fan, eh? I’m sorry, dear, what was your name again? Im so bad at these things?”
“Chloe.”
“Well, Chloe, you’re gonna be real useful to me from now on. In the meantime, you wouldnt happen to know why my internet is not working would ya?”
I got on the internet fixing job, which basically meant that I buzzed Wendi and told her to fix it, and finished my day. When I arrived this morning, I half expected he wouldn’t remember my name. Before I sat down, Lenny was in his office, but this time he was calling out: Good morning..Chloe.
